I really miss my friends. I wish they could come spend time with me and I could show them my current college life.
Sorry but my personal background and values put education before anything. In my perspective, education comes first before anything. I’ve been mentally manipulated to drive towards studies and education than everything else. I can’t control myself.
If you tell me to sleep earlier, I could try but if I need to do homework or study, sorry, sleep will not happen.
Dressing nice is overrated. No one gives a shit about how you look. FUCK. YES.
I get to be whoever, whatever, and however I want.
Hung out with @lmpj, @fishyhandsfishyfeet, and Jean. 9 hours of baking, making watermelon balls, cooking, tv, and a whole lot of fun :). We tried to make brownie pops….fail..twice lol and we tried to make brownie-cupcakes….fail…ish. lol but fun process :) Pang is an awesome cook, yes!
Being around the right people is what true happiness is. And I’m a trillion times grateful and thankful for having the best friends who sacrificed time and effort to share and create new memories. I’ll definitely cherish the feelings that left with me when departing. You guys are definitely one of a kind, and shall forever stay in my heart. :)
I think I’m just going to stop posting sappy vents on this tumblr blog from now on. There are way too many people whom I know in person whom can read about my stupid life.
If there are a few individuals who want to get an understanding of the real inner me, then they can just go ahead and shoot me an “ask” UNannonymously. Then I’ll be the one to decide if I want to give it out or not.
And if there are people who actually find my vent blog then holy crap, you are either really desperate or nosey.
*edit* little vents now and then might pop up here but long, deep vents aren’t happening
damn, i’m having such an amazing 18th birthday…like shieeeet. -____-.
I never really cared about my birthdays since I never do anything (except my 16th birthday when my friends held a little party/hang out for my friend and I). But I don’t know why I feel a bit sad this time…>.>. Maybe because it’s my 18th birthday and it is more important and special than other birthdays. I’m not really the person to hold parties for myself…I can do it for other people and I’m completely fine about it but eh…not for myself. But sort of wish I planned something for my 18th birthday….it feels a bit wasted now since I only have about 2 more hours left.
…I feel a bit lonely…and when I’m older and people ask what my 18th birthday was like, I’m going to say, “It was lonely.”
I’m feeling that split from reality again. And I don’t want to return to it. I want to leave this life behind.
Everyone has secrets. Everyone has untold stories.
It’s these unspoken words that truly tell who a person is.
It’s my first legit job and the night of the interview and notification, you decide to give me shit. Why? Why must you always look at everything in the worst and wrong way? Why can’t you appreciate the fact that I’m trying? I’m fucking trying. Is it really wrong to try? Do you even understand why I even tried to get interviewed? Because of our family. Our damn family. We’re poor. I’ll admit it, and I’ll eventually accept it. But we’re so goddamn poor. Dad, you don’t fucking like your job, and you come home every night showing, not necessarily telling, mom and I how much you fucking hate your job. So as your daughter what can I do? I can go online and look for staffing organizations and try to see if they or I can find you a new job. But honestly, have you even heard of your standards that are coming out of your mouth? Who would want to hire you? I’m sorry but even a high school graduate has difficulty finding a job, let alone a 58 year old Chinese man that barely knows English. The only jobs you can get are those in Chinese restaurants; the kind of jobs you hate. So what else can I do? I can go find a job.
Earlier in the summer I went around a shopping center and raided all the stores with my resume. A month has past and no one contacted me. Then I received a letter from a company called Vector Marketing. Shit. I didn’t even tell my parents about the letter ‘cause even I thought it was a scam. So I just saved the letter and threw it in the pile of shit on my desk. A few days later, they mail me another letter asking me to hurry and call for an interview within 5 days. So now I feel as though this company is legit. I go online and lookup their website and hmm, seems legit. I call the company, get an appointment for an interview. First interview went well, so they asked me to stay for a second interview. I tried my best not to pass out from the anxiety and I go home and wait for the recruiting manager to call me back with news. I get a call at 9pm telling me I have received good news and I’m up for the job. I have training next Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. An hour later my dad comes home. I tell him. And shit happens.
Why can’t you be happy for me? Why can’t you appreciate what I do for you? Do you know why I even got the courage to go for the interview? I did it for you. You don’t want to work for other people then fine. I’ll work for others and find money for our family. I’ll be the one that comes home with income to put food on our plate. I’ll be responsible and support this family. I go out of my comfort zone to keep this family stable. And what do you do? You yell at me for getting interviewed for this job. You disparage me because I’m naive. Do you not know who I am? Do you not think I’ve thought of the worst when applying to this company? You don’t even let me go through training first and you question my competence.
You think I’m doing this only for college. Yes, I’m mainly going to use the money to pay for college, so you won’t need to go out and suffer to help me pay for college. I’m trying to let life be easy on you and you decide to make it hard on me. I was planning on splitting half my salary with my parents. Half I will save for college, the other half I give to my parents. I’m trying to do good and what I get is shit. Fucking bullshit.
Why can’t you be fucking proud of me for ONCE?!